Which Comes First?

Do I love you because you are perfect? Or, are you perfect because I love you?

Each of us would answer in the affirmative to the second question, were it asked about a parent or a sibling or an offspring. However, the standard might shift when speaking of a romantic partner or spouse - perhaps even leaning toward perfection of appearance, over intellectual perfection or artistic perfection!

I cannot imagine the slightest diminishing of our unbound love for the most impossible children, maddening siblings or exasperating parents, regardless of how distant they might be from any accepted notion of perfection. They spell perfection, simply because we love them. Maybe our sights get realigned in seeking a partner; perhaps we look for an elusive chemistry or even the envy of passersby! We might then benefit from the ancient Greek wisdom: ‘There is but one genuine love-potion – consideration’ - Menander (circa 343–291 BC)

In the same vein, do good looks make for lasting compatibility? Likely not, if the world of show-business and its beautiful inhabitants is anything to judge by. At the same time, we all know of deep and abiding relationships that involve persons who are less than perfect; where beauty does indeed lie in the eye of the beholder or love truly is blind… 

We would do well to remind ourselves that ‘We don’t love qualities, we love a person; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as their qualities.’ - Jacques Maritain (1882-1973)

http://www.5oclockreflections.com/love-or-perfection-which-comes-first/